Here are five pages that I've had languishing elsewhere, I'm doing this for Sheila Schoonmaker, my good friend and also for wilddaisy33 whose comments on Sheilas blog have inspired me to set up this page. I don't know if I'll update, writing this a couple of months ago was quite painful for me, tho I would be happy to answer any questions or develop a dialogue.
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From my experience how to recognise and cope with asperger syndrome and depression in children.
Nurture your child.
With the background info from the previous pages here are some guidelines to help a child with Asperger syndrome and or childhood depression.
The home atmosphere must be stable and actively follow an interest in the outside world. Both in getting out and also in being interested in other people. The hurly burly of childhood games and fooling around are too much for the child depressive or Asperger victim. Things need to be calm and non-aggressive. The Asperger child has difficulty with movement and any spontaneous action or situation. Even though they are poor with ball games, especially catching and hitting, these abilities need to be developed if at all possible. Slow patient work is needed, display a joy in this, not as a chore. Let them choose their own friends if at all possible and encourage hobbies and interests. Towns and cities would help them, rural isolation would be hell.
Speak and interact with interest, you may be their only chance for them to develop a social personality, among their peers they could well be 'locked out' in social or school situations.
Organise little 'expeditions' when they are old enough, get out of the car and move around the landscape for an hour or two, following rights of way. Be light hearted and be their pal. Be optimistic in short small goals and explain things to them. I was starved of museums as a kid, something I would have loved.
So often the same old irritating hackneyed observations are rolled out re autistic interests, maps, flags, collecting things, I-spy type observation of 'odd' objects. Mine were radio/electronics, workshops and making things, modelmaking. Often allied to circuit diagrams and engineering drawing. I was lucky in that my abilities were advanced and there were some meagre facilities at home. Yet in all these things I was totally self-taught, living in a vacuum. Buy some mags off ebay and see if they are interested, the sixties and seventies are the best years with the most appealing illustrations- very little published these days would draw anyone into these hobbies. At sixteen I was into some quite 'heavy' books, Solzhenitsyn, Orwell, Henry Miller, not the sort of stuff a kid from a country secondary school would touch. My Dad was a reverse snob and was firm in telling me what I couldn't do and was not capable of - endlessly. Not that he talked much. Probable jealousy? He died when I was seventeen, I was chucked into digs and twenty years later the equivalant of a house and as much again all squandered by a shitty so-called mother. He had worked hard at a manual trade. I could tell some horrid facts, being rung up after being in digs for a fortnight to be told (0715am) that she'd been married a week before. Eleven months later chucked out again. Luckily I had just met my wife a week before, if ever the hand of God.....
Nurture your child, respect them, provide comfort and listen to them. Encourage conversation, the development of language and thought, no matter what their abilities. Play harmlessly, find sympathetic children in the neighbourhood. Try not to live in a remote location.
I was a very late reader, without my Auntie A at lunchtimes at her house I would never have got anywhere. My Dads idea was to bludgeon me with how useless I was, yet I have turned out a far cleverer man than he ever could be, much wider in interests and sensibility. And a better judge of character.
Try to include number work at all stages, confusion in my mind always thwarted my efforts, yet there were times when I displayed flashes of ability. Algebra and equations were very difficult, my path to being a professional engineer was blocked by this. Confusion and a sensation of my 'mind swimming' has always troubled me.
For so many of my years I have suffered situations in which I was suffering, my choice would have been to develop the ability to question (something very difficult for me at the time and even now) and voice "I don't like this situation" - how I wish I could have said that. With hindsight I needed to desperately develop some aggression, I was far too passive. Also a sense of 'knockabout humour' which for so much of my life did not exist with me. Too sensitive. A lot of this has to do with no real role model for me, abysmal parents are not the best start. The only word they knew was no. What a pair of buerks. I feel nothing for them, only a desire to hit them.
For a lot of my childhood I suffered stomach pain and a lot of bedwetting. My wife also suffered with bedwetting due to her turbulent childhood.
These are important signs.
School is a tricky one, perhaps special needs is the way, yet no-one would define me as to that extent afflicted, yet I suffered dreadfully.
Achademically able though like a fish out of water. Ceasing to speak for the last two years was my protest at the shit around me. Absolutely no-one offered me any help. I've deliberately never wanted kids because of this experience. Do I cut an odd figure - I don't really think so, I'm not ugly or disfigured, yet I certainly march to the beat of a different drum.
Heres a good link : http://autism.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_heroes
Tags: nurtureyourchild, autism, asperger, childhooddepression, thedepressedchild, educationforthewithdrawnchild, withdrawnchildren, bedwetting, stomachpain, Edit Tags
Thursday 10 January 2008 - 01:39PM (PST) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments
Christmas for a depressive.
Christmas for a depressive is tricky. This year was bearable, a week in the English Lake District with wife and dog.
Last year was a bad'un, arguing with wife and anger bubbling under the surface. She at times does not help. Though is probably as compatable companion as I will ever find. I suppose we are quite similar in outlook. A woman going through the change is not easy. I keep a low profile.
This year we basically didn't bother to recognise Xmas. Not having tv at the cottage helped to put us in that mood, some background tv would have been useful. Never saw pressies and couldn't be bothered to make a card. In the thirtieth year the chore was just too much. Torture.
Luckily business is not as bad as it could be so could quite easily cut off from business matters for the week. Its a landscape we know and are probably better known over there than where we live (we could be dead for half a year here and I doubt anyone would notice). As it was Xmas in the Lakes I expected a knock on the door 'drinks at six' - you bet!
Aha reality was......nothing, absolutely nothing. One night wine (crap) and my usual beer made my head spin in bed. Not pleasant. Otherwise it was my usual three bottles from six till midnight. I normally drink two ten till eleven thirty when at home. Reading and listening to short wave radio. Luckily we enjoy a run out in the car for an hour or two, along little country lanes looking for toads, owls, hares, rabbits, maybe even a deer if we are lucky. Then theres the stars and in the summer the sunset as well. Thank God I enjoy these things.
A highpoint was filling birdfeeders and leaving them full when we drove away at the end of the week. Feeding birds is a thrill for me and at home here the garden rings to their chirping. I've never heard so many elsewhere.
A major pluspoint is that I do have enthusiasms. Without them I would be crushed. I have retained (probably due to the asperger component in me) a juvenile joy in so many things and usually an ability to get interested in things and books. In my reading I tend to be a skimmer, often the nitty gritty detail isn't required, its soon forgotten anyway. Any contact with kids so involves me trying to relay some of my enthusiasm to them. Generally their parents are brain dead. Not that I encounter kids very often.
Its important I keep a grip on not regurgitating crap from the past, to try so much to live here and now. Hence probably the reading and study. A child or adult that doesn't enjoy study and discovering and developing their knowledge and thoughts is missing so much. Because of a profoundly isolated childhood having absorbing hobbies was a lifeline. This was despite little parental encouragement or assistance. What the hell did they think I was doing all day from five to seventeen????
Here's a thread I've started: Asperger in children- how to recognise.
Tags: encouragestudy, learntostudy, enjoylearning, isolationasachild, christmasforadepressive, ignoringxmas, Edit Tags
Tuesday 8 January 2008 - 03:41AM (PST) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments
Depression and Asperger - some tricks to help.
Its vital to recognise the triggers for depression which floats on top of my mild touch of Asperger syndrome. For me its people and change.
Considering my income is so lousy and unpredictable (generally minus rather than plus) I think I cope quite well.
There are particular character types that irritate the hell out of me. Its my theory there are only about twenty personality types, at least here in the Western world. So it doesn't take a lot of figuring. My most insulting view is to regard them as one dimensional. Give them no status. Bullies, bigots, overbearing boors with tunnel vision.
There is so much I like in the world, just about all parts of a reference library interest me. Landscape, music, books, clouds, stars, sunsets, out with the dog.
Its vital the troubled child is allowed to socialise, in my case I was often forbidden! To see a child obviously not gelling with his peers then hinder and threaten if contacts are made is unforgivable. May she rot in hell.
Luckily had Auntie A to help where we moved for my third school, its due to her I can read.
Children need to be nurtured and developed, I feel passionate about this. As a child I was heavily into a couple of areas that could have lead onto a career, yet encouragement and resources were very scant. Encourage your child, spend actual time sitting with them and working together on books, paper, exploring,developing.
Tags: timewithyourchild, learntogether, Edit Tags
Saturday 5 January 2008 - 12:57AM (PST) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments
Coping with Asperger and depression.
I was iller when I was younger. By the time I left my only paid job at twenty five I was very ill. Through all this the doctors have been of little use, if not useless. I tend not to bother them, my insight and knowledge seems to be greater than theirs. I'm using modern thought and they seem to be using tools of stone.
I am happy working on my own, never feel lonely. I have a rich mental landscape. I must avoid the past, this is the third version of this blog in as many weeks, prior versions raked up too much crap from the past.
Luckily my cycle time for depression is much faster than most people, hours, days rather than weeks or months or years. There can be exceptions to this though I am not going to detail them here, still a sore point. Regurgitating too much will make me ill.
I FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT RECOGNISING KIDS THAT NEED HELP.
Its the borderline/selfcontained ones that I feel sorry for. They will suffer in their own private hell. Parents and relatives must try to develop an awareness and sensitivity to their childs predicament. Change is harrowing for an asperger kid. Their inputs seems to be magnified in their heads. Noise and commotion are amplified in their minds and can be excruciating. When my Dad sawed wood I would cry even up till six or seven years old.
I do believe I was a childhood depressive as well as having a background of asperger. All the adults I met were oblivious to my predicament. Forty years on I'm still angry.
Tags: childhooddepression, anger, depressiontimecycle, noiseawareness, sensitivitytonoise, Edit Tags
Saturday 5 January 2008 - 12:35AM (PST) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments
Lessons learnt from having asperger and childhood depression.
This is the third version of this blog, twelve pages deleted so far......
I am self diagnosed mild depressive with probably a touch of Asperger Syndrome.
My very uncertain self employed income is a worry. Has been for twenty five years, I am nearly fifty. My wage is small, though I suffer it because I cannot work with others. I am happy in my own way as long as I can control my encounters. The locals won't give me work, though they did when the pressure was high and I was the only man with the talent and drive to keep up with their needs. Not being a 'local' and chroneyism, with perhaps freemasonry?
The Anthony Clare bio of Spike Milligan sums me up best, luckily I don't get quite so bleak, though I carry a lot of his traits. However, my isolation and suffering at school far outweighs any account I have ever read or heard of. Still thirty five years later an open wound. Stopped speaking for my last two years. I have SHUT THE DOOR on it. Good advice.
Acupuncture over five years (monthly visits) has helped, built confidence. Can often be the only social interaction, so the £360GBP is worth it. Builds self confidence, increased happiness, though beware of too much energy. Acupuncture is valuable in dealing with past misery or best forgotten experiences, the talking/interaction helps.
Since I had an 'episode' three years ago I hardly ever mention the past. School NEVER. Never have, too painful. Luckily moved (chucked out once my Dad died when I was seventeen - into digs) and have a pleasant environment where we are. Settled, stable, anonymous. Has been for twenty five years.
I am bright, talented and to some extent resourceful. Easily confused, can only stand so much pressure. I suffer from terrible indecision problems, a curse and can be a 'daymare'. Going round roundabouts, doing u-turns, back tracking all unable to decide how to spend a potential day off. Sorry to use bad language though a good dose of 'fu#k it' is the solution. A day off doesn't matter. For a talented man with energy its a crying shame I am so underutilised. Now I garden a day a week to get out, meet people and I love it - most days.
My own parents were witless shits, the only two people I wish to hit. I still am angry at how they were blind to the obvious.
IMPORTANT : How to recognise a 'touch of Asperger'.
Notice how they react/involve themselves with their peers.
Language use/development with THEIR OWN AGE GROUP.
Position in PEER HIERACHY. Physical position in relation to a group.
Contribution to PEER CONVERSATION.
FEAR OF SCHOOL, even if good at the work.
Bad at all forms of sport/BALL GAMES. Unable to catch or kick, tho maybe okay at throwing. Cannot see the point of it or what the rules are.
Undue nervousness and general FEAR.
A general difficulty in moving around, corridors, between rooms, in the playground. This is real and quite observable. By the time I was seven I could hardly move in break times, frozen.
I was at my third school by the time I was seven, in a shitty backward shithole. A 120 mile shift for no reason. No place to take a bright child. Being Asperger I never would want any change, yet the witless twit moved me again and again for NO good reason. I think with hindsight he needed a serious talking to. My childhood was a vacuum.
Please comment.
Tags: frozenmovement, childhooddepression, thingsbestforgotten, stability, theneedforstability, Edit Tags
Friday 4 January 2008 - 11:28AM (PST) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments
